Nurse My Ass

One Year Later

2009-06-20T16:06:00.002-05:00

Wow, I can hardly believe it's been a year since I've posted. This past year has been so interesting for me in my personal life and career life. Maybe I will post later and update what's been going on. I don't think I will continue this blog to bitch about nursing....maybe I'll write about 'good' things. Those piss and moan days are over. But, blogging about it on here really helped me just unload all the frustration I felt in nursing. It was cathartic in a way.

Have I reached the end?

2008-07-14T23:35:00.004-05:00

I power walked with a friend tonight. Both she and her husband went. We are committed to power walking at least 2x/week and so far we have been doing really good.

I love her and her husband, I really do. They are awesome people and fun to be around.
However, when walking they seem to really bicker a lot. Now that I am into my new feng shui thing the whole idea of anyone bitching about anything is starting to get to me. I am seeing, or experiencing rather, what it does to me. IT DRAINS MY ENERGY.

I am the worlds best bitcher and class-A complainer, thanks to the nursing profession. I have lived in it, rolled around in it, ate it and smelled like it for years, thanks to nursing. But things are changing. REally changing. I've changed only a few things in my life and I'm here to tell you...the insanity of nursing on the floor, the negativity, people bitching at work or elsewhere, well, I just can't be around it anymore.

Negativity, It's toxic. It sucks you into this abyss of depression, hopelessness, hatefulness toward your fellow co-workers and people in general. There is a distrust of people and almost a paranoid thought of "How are you going to try and fuck me up" going on. Seeing end of life 'health' issues and people suffering from it, feeling that undercurrent that you just don't really matter or that general discount by administration, doctors, family members on a daily basis. One does become immune, hardened, maybe even bitter in order to withstand/survive working in it. Roll that around in negativity, sprinkle on a few too many incontinent episodes (and there is only you to clean it up) and you got yourself some pretty gnarly people and an abysmal environment. It's just not good for any one's psyche.

I'm wondering if this may be the end of blogging. I have bitched, pissed and moaned for several months now. I think this blog has been the catalyst that got me to this 'No tolerance for bitching Zone' and my decision to leave nursing entirely. Blogging raised my awareness of just what type of thing I'm dealing with here and what effect it's had on me. How can I continue to blog about nursing now? I blogged to bitch! And, I'm just not willing to live in that bullshit anymore for any one, or any job.

Listening

2008-07-13T20:31:00.002-05:00

You know, I am going through this whole feng shui changing thing. It's pretty awesome, but the downfall is that the more I become clear about what it is I want to do when I grow up, the more I can't stand nursing.

It's not just nursing, it's the negativity that runs amok. I had to ask myself, have I never sat back and listened to the endless negative chatter? Have I participated too willingly, blinding me to the effects? Is it going on ONLY in the unit I'm currently working in? It's surreal, really. Try it sometime. Just listen to what we listen to every fricking day for 12 hours straight.

I concentrated on listening today. I listened from the moment I walked through the doors. I heard people moan about how they didn't want to be there. I listened as people threw hissy fits because we don't have a tech working with us. I listened to one nurse as her head was about to explode because she got three patients and two were feeders. The list goes on and is endless. All day long.

It was easy to not partake. I had this eureka moment. I don't want to be around that kind of shit. It's hard enough doing what we do, but absorbing that bullshit is heavy on the shoulders in a very insidious way.

I have a great story about Frosted Flakes, but first must power walk~!

How Much Do I Make?

2008-07-12T21:24:00.005-05:00

I love it when nurses ask me how much I'm getting paid. Now, I wouldn't mind sharing this with a close friend whom I know I can trust, but give me a fricking break. Requests coming from an associate, I don't think so.
I like to give a really high figure and just watch them almost shit their pants, then they morph into sillyness, as though I am not telling them the truth, and then they morph into a pissed off child when I keep my poker face and don't budge. It's great!!! Try it sometime. Tell the person who asks that you are making $62.00/hr. GOTTA LOVE IT

Ps. If any of you are making $62.00/hr please notify me of the hospital you're working at so I can come and play nurse in your neck of the woods.

Kahones

2008-07-10T17:03:00.005-05:00

I just read an article about inappropriate behavior in the workplace and how Joint Commission is wanting hospitals to establish guidelines and consequences for those who throw tantrums, bully, and intimidate.

Are you kidding me? Joint Commission is only getting involved because of what they say is a contributor of medical errors or more accurately described as a 'patient safety' issue.

How come it has been as issue for so long? Why is it only now being described as a patient safety issue? Would someone with Authority please saddle up your kahones and throw them out on the table for nurses? Why is it that anything important that needs doing only pinnacle on 'patient safety'? Can't we do something for the purpose of doing something that's just morally right? Like say for example, Employee Satisfaction. Or, more importantly, just morally right.
What's wrong with creating a cohesive environment without having to drag in PATIENT SAFETY?

There is intimidation, ignoring, acting all impatient, condescending attitudes and the works. It's crazy making and it's a real wet blanket on what could otherwise be a 'good day'. That's just how it is. I saw that White Elephant my first week on the floor as a brand new nurse...But nobody addressed it. We all learn to walk around it and pretend it's not there.

So someone, in Authority, PLEASE throw your Kahones in there and change some things. Let's don't spend years of research and studies on the topic searching for the link between bad behavior and patient safety. Let's just do what's right. It's there in front of us. We all see it, we all know it exists. So STOP Allowing it, expecting everyone to cower.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25594124/

I Could Just Scream

2008-07-04T15:36:00.006-05:00

Lazy techs. I don't understand lazy mentality. I see employees, techs routinely, engage in this thing, this sort of mentality, this sort of behavior that says, 'I'm going to see how much work I won't do today'.

Today I'm working with the same 3, horrible, train wreck patients I've had all week. They are really heavy. I'm on my feet all day, barely get time to eat, and usually open charts late in the afternoon because of the acuity.

There is a tech on the floor. I'm assuming she is a tech on the floor. Come to find out she is our Unit Sec. WE DON'T NEED A US. WE NEED HELP ON THE FLOOR. Okay, anyway I find this out around 9:30 am when I ask where the temps are. The tech, excuse me...the Unit Sec., tells me she is not doing tech work today because she is the unit secretary.

I'm dumbfounded. I ask her what she is doing as our unit sec. besides looking at the schedule for the past two hours. I mean, I don't see her filling charts, checking for labs, stocking carts or anything. What I have seen her do is eat breakfast, talk with her husband on the phone, fool around on the Internet, and look over the schedule. That's what I've noticed.

I was so pissed. I couldn't even talk with her for the rest of my shift. How can someone sit there and watch all of us nurses work like dogs and not lift a finger? No self respect? No sense of team? No clue what this job is all about? We don't need a unit secretary in the HOU. We need assistance on the floor. If they won't supply both, a unit sec. and a tech, then just give us a tech. Don't insult us by paying someone to sit there and look refreshingly, stress free, making some easy money while the nurses are barely able to keep heads above water. Fuckers.

Job Security

2008-07-02T15:16:00.007-05:00

How many patients will they stop at? I love aspects of nursing, I really do. But, getting my ass kicked by a horrible group of patients sends me right up the crazy tree. I have a difficult time sucking it up, shutting up and just doing the job when I am put in a position to be a risky caregiver. Instead, I am pissed off as hell all day long, spouting off about how insane, unsafe, bla, bla, bla it is. Nobody cares. Really. Nobody fucking cares. It's sad and amazing. If only the patients knew what a lick and a promise they are getting from their nurses because of under staffing.

I want to provide excellent care, not satisfactory care. Fingers crossed, hope no one crashes is not my idea of fun. It's scary and unsafe. I want a great job where I don't have to worry what Mr. Jones is doing down the hall, considering I haven't laid eyes on him for an hour or two sometimes, because I have been dealing with Mrs. Jones down the other hall trying to crash on me.

It's got to change. Unfortunately, I don't believe it will be for the better. I only see it getting worse. I'm not the worst nurse, I understand my fluids and electrolyte imbalances. I understand blood pressure issues and heart rate problems. I understand tissue breakdown, infections and all the ramifications. Venous vs Arterial issues. Tele rhythms. There are MANY THINGS I don't understand, but I am smart enough to find out the information when necessary and find resources. I see many nurses who don't have this basic knowledge nor do they care to invest in learning more. They have maintained the drug pusher mentality. I understand why....I really do. I've been there. And, that's what many nurses are and will be. Qualified nurses for ICU, Er, etc. I would venture to guess there's a shortage.

I believe it's a tri-fold reason for this shortage, but whatever I think I will not discuss here, right now, because the problem hasn't been heard, won't be heard, and anyone that can do anything about it doesn't give a shit.

But what's happened is a Job Security for all of us. You can work for great money being a drug pusher on the floor, holding onto your ass all the while or you can go through school of hardknocks or some internship somewhere for shit money with hopes of a brighter future.... rots of ruck....Regardless, we will have a job............ shitty days and all.

Impress me

2008-06-26T22:47:00.004-05:00

Oh, how you impress us so. Joy. You f' idiots. Nurses who know everything suck. Okay, nurses who really do know everything don't suck. They are privileged to be really, really smart!
It's those who think they are impressing others with their superior mind, who don't know everything, they suck....seriously. Shut up. Please.

No Mexican Nurses?

2008-06-20T09:55:00.007-05:00

Wait a sec here....there are Mexicans everywhere right? I mean, they are in my neighborhood, all the time, mowing and landscaping. I see them when I pick up a sandwich at Wendy's. They're around me when I take a walk at the lake. A lot of them wash my car. But, something just dawned on me.....That is...where I'm not seeing them.

I have never, NOT once, worked with a Mexican Nurse. I suppose they exist...don't they? I mean shouldn't they? I've worked with countless Filipino, African, Canadian and Indian, but NO Mexican.

It's not that I'm dogging out any one group. I am questioning a fact, that's all. So go blow yourself if its offensive or you misconstrue it as insensitive. I'm only curious why they don't choose health care as a profession. Oh, wait. They do!! Oops. The housekeeper is Mexican. I totally forgot. Now I suppose you will say that comment is insensitive! It's a fact. Fuck you, thank you very much. But, you know what I mean, housekeeping is not 'health care' per Se, even though being in the environment at any level can qualify you as an 'insider' I suppose.

Since I've watched the floodgates open in my lifetime I can only imagine what the population demographics will look like in 20 years. Who is going to be my nurse? I see no Mexican nurses on the horizon. I'm concerned, that's all. Please, please, please, someone get off your chunky, cheese thighs and go to nursing school. I'm not rich enough for private home care when it becomes my turn.

I am grateful, however, that I have a crew of guys that will mow my lawn for next to nothing. Tried getting the spoiled brat neighbor kid to do it for that amount of money and he just laughs in my face.

Drooling Banjos

2008-06-19T23:53:00.003-05:00

One of my favorite RT's asks me today what patients I had. I tell him that I have Mr. Jones, Mrs. Harper and............
Interrupting me he says, "Oh, so you have the drooling banjos." When saying that he leans to the left and acts as though he is drooling. He begins to air play the strings on the 'drooling' banjo with his fingers while singing the instrumental tune of the song. funny, funny.

It was a rough morning. Only because my lazy, lazy, lazy ass, thumb up the kiester nurse manager is .............lay zeeee. She has somehow become superior to working the floor, lending a hand, etc. I know what that seduction is like, I used to manage. She isn't fooling anyone. Her fat ass could have pitched in for 30 minutes helping us all get caught up. She didn't though. More important things to do. Employee satisfaction rates pretty low on her list of priorities. Ah, I don't want to bitch anymore. going to bed. Hopefully, the dream weavers won't attempt to pay me back for laughing so hard over my drooling banjos. It was just one of those things. Didn't mean any harm.

Chantix

2008-06-17T12:45:00.011-05:00

I just got online and saw Yahoos Featured News Headline: G.I's used as 'Guinea Pigs'.

Here is this military guy taking Chantix, he gets wasted at home and starts acting all f-crazy with a gun.

Yeah, that's a first isn't it.....I bet Gibson is wishing Chantix had been around when he needed it.
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=8357780

If I was all drunk and had a gun laying around, I, too, would probably start acting all 'crazy'.... inspite of the chantix. In fact, I had a roommate years ago who came home at 3am, DRUNK. As my friends and I sat there watching the ending of the Deer Hunter....yes, right at Russian Roulette time.....my roommate decides she wants to freak us all out. She runs to her room, grabs her gun, puts it to her head in front of us and says, "Hey guys, look at me." NOT funny. I think the moral of the story here is Alcohol makes people crazy ....don't blame the drugs you are taking when you do stupid shit.

First of all:

No one made you take Chantix you f' moron. Where is the responsibility you should assume for gulping the drug down in hopes it would curb your smoking desire? Quit blaming other people.

Second of all:

You were DRUNK! Some of us just get plain 'crazy' when we drink....gee do ya think maybe you're one of em? And, maybe you get drunk so you don't have to look at that wife of yours?? Awe, did I say that? I meant that 'life' of yours.

Thirdly:

Why is it that everyone believes drugs do Only 'good things' . Yet most people fail to take into consideration what negative effects they are doing to the body... at the same time. Drugs have some positive and negative reactions or risks/benefits. An aspirin can be dangerous for christ sakes. Even food has harmful consequences. These are the same fucking morons that sue McDonalds because they gained weight.

So, G.I.'s, Quit blaming others because you were outted having a psychotic moment because you were DRUNK!

I am a fan of chantix after taking it myself. It not only curbed the desire to smoke, it curbed the desire to drink. I felt better about myself and got on a healthy regimen. When I drink I have a tendency to drink myself into oblivion, start stalking ex-boyfriends, and begin drunk dials in the middle of the night. IF I went all crazy on the Chantix after drinking a ton, would it be right of me to blame the Chantix even after knowing my history of craziness with drinking? Yeah, it would be the right thing to do if I were in complete, utter DENIAL about my ability to handle alcohol.

So, good Luck 'E' with your issues. Oh, and just for the record, we all have em. Get over it. Now that you just scared the shit out of many people that could have or would have attempted smoking cessation with Chantix, go take yourself, your gun and a steaming hot one in the woods. Take your wife too, that face will keep the scarey monsters away. On second thought, you better take a bunch of alcohol.............a bunch....and while you're at it, read this:
http://ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_alcohol.html

.Edu

2008-06-12T23:58:00.003-05:00

Alright, who told em? After a year of freedom from mandatory online education, the hospital
just gave out online assignments to everyone, .Edu has caught up with me. damn.
Granted, reviewing how to wash my hands, or preparing for bioterrorism, or how Hepatitis spreads is very necessary, but for the 14th year in a row now......come on.

I haven't looked at the online content yet, but I'm sure it's the same 'ole stuff. Thanks JACHO. I think one more go around is what it will take for me to finally get Informed Consent or Advanced Directives. Thanks for wasting my time on bullshit.

The Upside

2008-06-10T10:42:00.007-05:00

Yes, this is my bitch-blog, but I think it's important to say there are good things that happen in nurse land too. Sometimes you have amazing patients and family members. And, sometimes they bring gifts!

I always get gifts. I get gifts so much that I've had coworkers say they want to work with me because I'm always reeling in the food and candy.

The other day the wife of one of my patients left the hospital and came back with warm, freshly baked brownies. How cool is that?!

Every Christmas, for years now, I open up a card with a Starbucks Gift card in it from a former patients daughter. The patient has since died, but I think it says a lot that this daughter still sends a card. Maybe she is getting old and senile herself and is thinking I'm a daughter-in-law or niece at this point.

We all know we aren't supposed to accept individual gifts. So, with the Starbucks cards, I am drinking a coffee and thinking about you all....does that work?

During Nurses week we received a small can of gourmet cookies from one of the doctor groups. This can had like 12 cookies, gobbled up in no time flat. I was thinking how sad it is they send 12 fricking cookies for 65 people to fight over, yet our patient family members will buy us complete dinners.....For Everyone! I'm not saying anything, Just a thought, that's all.

So here are some of the things I've received:
Money, watch, nurse pins, nurse pens, bracelet, coffee mug, tickets, gift cards, teddy bear with my name, flowers, plants, many, many thank you cards, and my favorite of all.....food...(depending on the source, of course). Of course nothing beats having a patient return months later to see you in person.

(Well, that is unless they were a pain in the ass patient (PITA) that took a liking to you and then you have to fake that you are really glad to see them, when you really aren't. And then they stay way past their welcome and then you start feeling guilty....and then you get mad that they won't leave.....And then you remember why you hated having this patient)

Lets end this on a positive note. Families/patients that send food (not homemade) rock.

Whaaaa, I want my bottle!

2008-06-02T09:52:00.006-05:00

Well lets see... What kind of shititity thoughts can I spew out today about nursing?

I just worked four 12's. I worked my regular assignment until the 3rd day when some wimpy ass murse comes in and cries cuz he isn't working in the HOU. He was hired for HOU and not the floor....wha, wha, wha. His bellyaching was pathetic. Absolutely, pathetic. Is this what we've become? This guy has only been with the company for a few short weeks! Already he is parading around like he's some sort of God send to the the nursing world.

When I was approached with the plight of this poor, pathetic, dummies panties getting twisted in a wad, I listened as my charge nurse explained the murse would quit if he didn't get to work HOU. OMG. Let him quit is what I thought. Who really cares? I stayed calm and just said, "Wherever you need me...doesn't really matter." I walked away just shaking my head.

What this does is create a huge disservice to the patient, families and myself. I know the patients after 2 days of having them, I know their routine, their drugs, their blood pressures and all the little nuances surrounding them.....their doctors know I know. There is no need to go into detailed conversation regarding anything with anyone because we all know what we all know!!

Don't worry about inconveniencing my ass or the patients I just learned about over the past 2 days you MF's.

Happy Belated Nurses Week - Suckers

2008-05-28T15:59:00.006-05:00

Oops, I forgot.

That's about the amount of umph ya get from me during nurses week. Bla, bla, bla......nachos, popcorn and a new lunch bag. Woo, woo, woo, woo.

Give me HELP on the floor. Or, relieve me of wiping a hiney so I can get my abx hung on time and my meds out appropriately. That would make feel I'm appreciated.

What Nursing School failed to teach me:
Nursing is for suckers.

I'll have the carpet please

2008-05-27T20:57:00.004-05:00

What amazes me about hospital land are the mountains made of ridiculousness. The little, piddly, stuff that means nothing significant gets more time spent on it than is deserved. It gets mulled over, discussed, re-discussed, memos written over it, all sorts of people involved in it, etc. But, the Really important stuff is given it's 2 cents and quickly forgotten about.

For example.

Lets say you have a nurse able to work only light duty following an injury. Some days it's the back, some days it's the shoulder, but, whatever. Say you see her walking around for two days with a list of names correlating to a list of lockers (serious assignment here). You inquire what she's up to and find she is organizing the lockers. Did they need organizing, I wonder? Didn't our Nursing Manager just 'organize' the same thing only a few months ago? How GD important is this shtttiitit folks? I'm drowning here and you are walking around all spaced out in the unit with the same sheet of paper you've had in your hands for the past few days. And, forgive me, but if you are working on 'organizing' lockers wtf are you doing here? Go there, go where the lockers are and walk around like a zombie, strike up meaningless conversation with them. I'm sure they won't mind the interruptions as much as I do.

Now, here is one ya would think someone with a half a brain would want to work on:
The noisiness of the unit. The vent alarms, the call bells, the phone ringing, people from other departments using the nursing station to carry on their personal coffee hour catch up, the televisions blaring, the overhead intercom, the fire alarm (this noise level should be outlawed!).

It's horrific. Unbearable at times. It's very damaging to ears. It's just plain unhealthy. It leads to stress and frustration, the inability to concentrate, the patients pick up this energy as well, and I believe it increases their anxiety. Nothing quiet and soothing about the hospital I'm in.

I made a suggestion that if we can't change the medsurg unit because of it's size we could at least try to change the feng shui in the HOU. I suggested carpeting the inside of the station only, lowering the lighting, decreasing the volume on all the bells and whistles. Boy was I hit with a flurry of 'Can'ts'. Everything from 'nurses don't answer the calls light already', to 'too many germs in the carpet'. Really? Are you planning on having your meals down there.........And, do you actually know of any literature proving it's dirtier than a mopped tiled floor?

How about take locker girl and use her to measure the decibles one must endure during any given moment on the unit and compare that to national acceptable ranges. Engage in some brainstorming for noise reduction. Oh, forget it, yeah, that would require work, thought and effort. Forget that meaningful shiitt, go back to your dazed and confused bullshit of doing NOTHING, ridiculousness.

Fucking idiots, I quit.

I did Compressions

2008-05-24T09:46:00.015-05:00

I did compressions, I did compressions.
Oh my God.

I've been through several codes at the REally Great Medical Center, but this time I actually touched the patient. Normally, I'm on the outskirts doing the recording or the running. I've never wanted to touch a dying patient in distress, it's too distressing.

This case was different. I didn't know him so no emotional aspect to overcome. And, the guy was dead as a door nail. Even I knew that. The RT's worked on him for awhile doing the compressions and bagging. I swear to God, they chit-chatted and giggled together, having a social moment right over this poor, dead guy's head. That kind of confirmed for me that he was dead and he wasn't coming back, because usually everyone is very focused with no light blabbing going on.

My moment had come. I finally had the courage to step in and do compressions. I couldn't make the guy any worse and that helped to decrease apprehension.

As I'm pushing away, one RT tells me to keep my elbows straight, the other RT tells me I'm in the right place. I notice I'm getting really warm because I still have on my jacket, I'm also starting to breath a little harder...and I'd just started......what one must feel like after a very long time of doing this!! It's a funny sort of workout.

My hands felt a pop in this dead guy's chest. That 'ick' factor coursed through my body. I guess I had stopped doing compressions inadvertently while my body and mind dealt with the knowledge/experience of popping ribs or sternum or whatever....I hear the guys yell, "Keep going, ya gotta keep going, ya can't just stop." "I think I broke a rib, I felt a pop!" The guys tell me, "You will, that's just part of it."

After only a minute or two I was pretty much done. It's like all those times when you were a kid and you would beg your parents to let you mow the lawn, or do the dishes. Then, with one or two grass strips with the mower, one or two plates washed, you're done. The excitement of getting to do it falls waay down to the bottom of the list of fun things to do. Compressions gave me that same kind of let down.

I didn't stop my 'learning experience there though. I think everyone knew the guy was dead and we were just going by protocol. So, I stepped up to the charge nurse pushing meds and asked if I could do it. It's not like I don't know how to push meds, I just think there is a time when you have to crawl over the threshold, or in my view a fence, into emergency med pushing. A fence I've never been too fond of.

I grabbed some Epi from the box and oh my. Glad the guy was dead because it took me waay too long to figure out what pieces go where, which to pop off, which end to screw into what... Geez, ya would think in emergencies the filled syringes would be something like a 10cc saline flush. Easy, just rip open, attach and push. Maybe the Epi syringe is developed like that to keep the injection at an even rate? I'm not sure, but others were telling me this type is the old kind. I guess I'll find out in the next code.

Nursing is what it is

2008-05-23T11:20:00.013-05:00

Still the same ole bull.

What's wrong with giving me the same patients I've had for the past two days....considering I am working three days in a row? Why do you change my assignment ENTIRELY?

Inconvenience someone else for God's Sake. Just because little SusieQ doesn't want to work in HOU....why are you so sure I do? Yet, you are on my trail daily, Begging Me to work Memorial Day and Memorial Day Weekend???? Goes both ways folks. Oh, yeah, you don't get it. And, most likely never will.

So, I am at home today deciding if I should nap or just sit at the computer. Oh, gosh, could be working. Nah, I'd rather enjoy the next 6 days off without the interruption of work. I was going to agree to work Memorial Day and was 2 seconds away from notifying you. That was before I came in on my 3rd, 12 hour shift and found I was floated. Go Ask SusieQ to work, the one who took my assignment.

Now, we all know if the new assignment in HOU had been a sweet one I would agree to work Memorial Day and all would be rosy. But, the crap you gave me on my 3rd, 12hr in a row...well, you need spanked. And, where were you? Where was all your help we 'supposedly' have when things are rough? I've never seen it.

The first patient was a lady who had a huge incontinent episode from the get go. Whole Bed type of thing. Forget any morning coffee, I got to wake up to the smell of something horrible. She also wanted her anxiety medicine...which I found out was Morphine. Hey Bright light bulbs (nurses).....Call the GD doctor and get A FKG order for xanax or something...Don't just pop the old, crusty woman with Morphine. The price ya pay is far greater. Oh, wait, you don't work 3 days in a row, so you don't have to pay the price. I got to do that for ya. So, old woman is jonesing bad for morphine yet she is under the impression it's been given for anxiety. Right.

I get her xanax order, She gets a CXR too. Then her ABG's come back crap, so she is put on BIPAP. Her BP is low, low, low, I hold all the BP meds. Her Pulse is in the 40's all fricking day long. I notify a PA regarding this. No new orders. Patient was tugging at her trach tubing so I had to restrain her. Her long hair had been matted up so badly in the back, lending proof the hair hasn't been combed for a very long time. I felt really sorry for her. I called her son to make sure it was okay to cut the nasty rats out. She looks a 100% better now.

I make rounds on patient no.2. She is grabbing my hand saying, "I'm dying, help me, I'm dying..." I also notice her BP is sky high. She is NPO with a Procadia XL ordered daily. Are you kidding me? I look at her VS history and sure enough.....Sky High, Bottom Out, Sky High, Bottom Out. I looked over a period of several days and was disheartend this had not been dealt with. Procardia drops BP like a rock. Apparently no one thought to Inform the Doctor that you don't (can't - without a sledgehammer) crush Procardia XL, nor does it liquify well enough to go down an NGT, nevermind, what crushing the med is doing to her BP. Right about this moment the son of this patient shows up and semi-freaks because his mother, who is a DNR, has an NGT down her nose. He ranted this wasn't supposed to happen, that the patient had stated she Never wanted a tube, EVER, who made this decision, thought this was all taken care of, blah, blah, blah. I felt like shooting somebody at this point and that would be the person who changed my assignment. To top things off, I paged the doctor 2 times and he isn't calling back! Never did.

The third patient is going for a MBS. Her husband is with her. All in one morning she get's her trach size changed out to smaller, she gets her first shower in more than a month and she is okay'd to eat M.Soft w/ Thin LQ's. Atlas, she passes the swallow eval with flying colors. Then with all the sudden newness of progressing back to normalacy after 5 weeks of hospitalization the lady has a fricking emotional meltdown. A fear-letting moment I suppose & I don't blame her, but damn, I need to get my meds out!!!! Can you hang on a few more minutes so I can do what I need to do, get out of the room, then you and your husband can have your watershed release? It's overdue and warranted, but It's 12:30 and you still don't have your AM meds. shhiittt.

As a result of yet another piss poor day, REally Great Medical Center just bought themselves some agency nurses for the weekend. But not all is lost, they did save on a bag of coffee yesterday since I never Had any. I'm outta here!

I'm glad to be me

2008-05-13T21:32:00.004-05:00

Sometimes do you ever have the thought you are REALLY glad to be who you are? This awesome moment rarely comes around for me...Or, maybe I should say the thought is rarely elevated to my level of awareness. Everyday I learn something about myself, about others, about the world. The tidbits are facinating and at the same time, confirming...I'm glad to be me.

I may still run Win98 operating system (boo), I may still be ready to crawl in bed at 8:30pm, I may still opt to hang out at home alone rather than with friends, but I am happy to report it's all okay with me.

I've learned that spending time with your critical shadow is the best medicine to heal yourself of yourself.

Back with more nurse-bitch soon.

Count Down

2008-04-24T20:48:00.005-05:00

Geez, I cringe at the thought of returning to work on Monday. I can already feel the plethera of clusterfuckedness. It's not even happened yet, but I know it will. You KNOW what I'm talking about. I wonder what Monday's 'bag of misery' holds in store for me. What kind of Shit Handshake will I end up with....Much like the same handshake we all get everyday, I am sure.

Pick any group of patients and you will have the same 'ole crap from beginning to end....Trauma, Problem, Complaint, Bitch, Piss, Moan, Family, Anxiety, Pain, Crashing, Vomit, Issues, Stink, No help, Phones ringing off the wall, Call Bells Beeping endlessly, Pharmacy Out of Stock, No supplies, Late Admissions, Crazy Blood Sugars, Incontinence, Incontinence, Incontinence, Out of Whack Potassiums and Magnesiums, Infiltrated IV's.......whoa........God Give me Strength.

Almost Forgot

2008-04-22T08:49:00.004-05:00

I write in this blog to bitch about nursing. Yesterday I got so carried away with mundane stuff, like myself, that I failed to bitch. So, here goes.

There has been one charge nurse that has Called me to see how I was doing in the past two weeks. The other charge only called to ask me to come in and work. I was even told on one phone call to Name Your Price because they were so desperate. There were two coworkers that called me to see if I was still alive. But, what bugs me is that I didn't receive one phone call from my nurse manager!

This place I work is Crap. I mean if I was the nurse manager I would be in contact with an employee that wasn't there for awhile. Nothing says You don't fucking matter more than that.
I know it is not personal, it's just thoughtless.

This manager we have is fairly new in management and it's all gone to her head. She's obviously not reading books on how to manage and hasn't heard or read yet that As a manager she actually is working for Us and that Employees are her best Asset. For now she is unable to pull herself off her pedestal to mix with us minions and as a result getting huge resentments copped against her. No one really takes her seriously. She's all into her 'management' stuff in the office. Far be it from me to think she is managing nurses.

I called the hospital one day to talk with the nurse manager. The phone was put on hold. I called back and no one answered. I called several more times and no one answered. Finally the dietician answers the phone on about the 15th ring. She tells me nobody is at the desk but is able to transfer me to the managers phone. I left a message for the manager but she never called me back.

I called the manager again on another day and this time I actually got to her, but it was after alot of transferring, ringing, etc. We talked about PTO and EID pay. I'm glad I followed this call up several days later, otherwise I wouldn't be getting paid this week. She didn't follow through on anything because she ... 'wasn't sure what I wanted'. You are fricking kidding me right? I mean we only had a conversation about this a few days ago???? Dumb Ass. This is a GREAT example of how NOT to work for your Employees. Do ya feel my loyalty just go out the window here?

She has been very kind, however, in telling me to take as much time as I need to just heal and get better. However, one should be able to call a hospital and have someone answer. One should be able to leave a message (or two) and receive a phone call from that person eventually. One should be able to Trust that the manager will do what she says.

How do you put this shit on a piece of paper for the Suggestion Box? It's the little things that count. Feeding me pizza every other month for nurse appreciation is nice, but I would prefer more help for answering that phone, a manager that takes care of business, i.e. MY PAY, and a manager that knows my fucking name and calls me if I'm sick!

See, even after two weeks of being out of the loop I can still bitch about nursing!!

Yeah, I'm Back!

2008-04-21T18:44:00.005-05:00

Wowsa, wowsa....I have been sick! Finally I am coming out of the fog and enjoying life once again. Not enjoying it quite to it's fullest just yet, but atleast I'm not miserably ill like the recent past. I'm staying away from work again this week. I was concerned I would have a Viral Relapse (whatever) due to the intensity of the job and the long hours. So, the doctor agreed for me to stay out one more week. I need to be 100% to do that job and right now I'm maybe 85.

The last two weeks have been a fricking blur and I am hoping I will actually be able to participate in my life stuff and get caught up this week.

Here's what I learned from being sick:

I'm a whimp.

Darvocet works for severe body aches. Advil doesn't.

I think when people get so sick like I did that they won't know if they die and probably don't care if they do.

I have a renewed compassion for my patients.

When patients cry from not feeling good, they don't feel good.

When patients whine about how hard it is to get out of bed and they don't have the energy, believe them.

It's harder to bounce back the older you get.

Daytime Television SUCKS!!! And, It's hard to kick back and read a book when you're sick.

You actually start to notice how much you go to the bathroom in a day when it's not been a conscious thought to you before.

I'm going to be a better friend when someone I know is sick. People really do need help when they're sick. Most people say they will help in anyway and they mean it, but what's hard is telling them what you want or need when you are sick. What I learned is that you just take the sick person a smoothie, chicken soup, bottled water, or whatever.....just do it without them having to ask. Change their pillow case or sheets for them, run their dishwasher... I don't know...just do little things like that.

Anyway, good to be back.

Ps. I can see blogger hasn't fixed the paragraph problem. I see all the words I've typed all jammed together. It's not me folks. blogger is trying to conserve cyber paper.

I love Scrubs

2008-04-11T11:59:00.004-05:00

Yeah! Scrubs is Back. The first show of the season was the usual giggle-fest for me. Scrubs Rules. JD Rocks.

Okay, I'm gonna have to change my mean, hateful ways. I am recoving from a long illness. Boo. While I got caught up on some much needed sleep I came to the realization that I am quite mean and uncompassionate about some of my patients. Its a strange moment for me, but I must try to reel in the anger I find myself experiencing at the end of every workday and take it out on someone other than my patients. How about Administration?! Of course Patient Family Members will still take the hits. They are still gonna be fucked up in hospital-land. Why? Because, They Are!

It's all Good

2008-04-03T19:07:00.002-05:00

I haven't written for a week. Everything at work is okay. No major traumas, no employee melt downs. No personal meltdowns.

Oh, there was one thing....Some dumb ass night nurse is taking report from me and says that I charted Mr. So and So is aphasic. And, what's the problem I ask? She wants to argue with me for an hour about how he is dysphasic or something. fucking idiots. Just shut the fuck up if you don't know what you're talking about. Oh, I had to remind her that it's nice to be able to have the time to read the nurses notes. I think I've done it once in my career, maybe twice. maybe I should consider going nights? nah, I don't care to read nurses notes that bad. I told her I'm going to keep on charting what I want to chart and she can chart whatever she chooses to chart. Furthermore, I will continue to keep my concept of what aphasic means intact. She should have been prepared because she only made herself out to be the dumbass. I love it when malicious people get bitched slapped from themselves.

Another thought:
It's strange sometimes how we grow cold to people dying and wonder why it's taking some of them so long. My friend who is currently a nursing student was disturbed at how nurses sometimes talk about patients. I told her to just wait. :-)

Student Loans Suck

2008-03-27T17:12:00.003-05:00

HINSON-HAZLEWOOD STUDENT LOAN THROUGH THE TEXAS HIGHER EDUCATION COORDINATING BOARD SUCKS.

Good luck viewing your account online, their IT department sucks.
Good luck getting anyone on the phone, the spoiled rotten government workers don't know what 'Close at 5pm' means.

FUCKERS.