Have I reached the end?

I power walked with a friend tonight. Both she and her husband went. We are committed to power walking at least 2x/week and so far we have been doing really good.

I love her and her husband, I really do. They are awesome people and fun to be around.
However, when walking they seem to really bicker a lot. Now that I am into my new feng shui thing the whole idea of anyone bitching about anything is starting to get to me. I am seeing, or experiencing rather, what it does to me. IT DRAINS MY ENERGY.

I am the worlds best bitcher and class-A complainer, thanks to the nursing profession. I have lived in it, rolled around in it, ate it and smelled like it for years, thanks to nursing. But things are changing. REally changing. I've changed only a few things in my life and I'm here to tell you...the insanity of nursing on the floor, the negativity, people bitching at work or elsewhere, well, I just can't be around it anymore.

Negativity, It's toxic. It sucks you into this abyss of depression, hopelessness, hatefulness toward your fellow co-workers and people in general. There is a distrust of people and almost a paranoid thought of "How are you going to try and fuck me up" going on. Seeing end of life 'health' issues and people suffering from it, feeling that undercurrent that you just don't really matter or that general discount by administration, doctors, family members on a daily basis. One does become immune, hardened, maybe even bitter in order to withstand/survive working in it. Roll that around in negativity, sprinkle on a few too many incontinent episodes (and there is only you to clean it up) and you got yourself some pretty gnarly people and an abysmal environment. It's just not good for any one's psyche.

I'm wondering if this may be the end of blogging. I have bitched, pissed and moaned for several months now. I think this blog has been the catalyst that got me to this 'No tolerance for bitching Zone' and my decision to leave nursing entirely. Blogging raised my awareness of just what type of thing I'm dealing with here and what effect it's had on me. How can I continue to blog about nursing now? I blogged to bitch! And, I'm just not willing to live in that bullshit anymore for any one, or any job.

Listening

You know, I am going through this whole feng shui changing thing. It's pretty awesome, but the downfall is that the more I become clear about what it is I want to do when I grow up, the more I can't stand nursing.

It's not just nursing, it's the negativity that runs amok. I had to ask myself, have I never sat back and listened to the endless negative chatter? Have I participated too willingly, blinding me to the effects? Is it going on ONLY in the unit I'm currently working in? It's surreal, really. Try it sometime. Just listen to what we listen to every fricking day for 12 hours straight.

I concentrated on listening today. I listened from the moment I walked through the doors. I heard people moan about how they didn't want to be there. I listened as people threw hissy fits because we don't have a tech working with us. I listened to one nurse as her head was about to explode because she got three patients and two were feeders. The list goes on and is endless. All day long.

It was easy to not partake. I had this eureka moment. I don't want to be around that kind of shit. It's hard enough doing what we do, but absorbing that bullshit is heavy on the shoulders in a very insidious way.

I have a great story about Frosted Flakes, but first must power walk~!

How Much Do I Make?

I love it when nurses ask me how much I'm getting paid. Now, I wouldn't mind sharing this with a close friend whom I know I can trust, but give me a fricking break. Requests coming from an associate, I don't think so.
I like to give a really high figure and just watch them almost shit their pants, then they morph into sillyness, as though I am not telling them the truth, and then they morph into a pissed off child when I keep my poker face and don't budge. It's great!!! Try it sometime. Tell the person who asks that you are making $62.00/hr. GOTTA LOVE IT

Ps. If any of you are making $62.00/hr please notify me of the hospital you're working at so I can come and play nurse in your neck of the woods.

Kahones

I just read an article about inappropriate behavior in the workplace and how Joint Commission is wanting hospitals to establish guidelines and consequences for those who throw tantrums, bully, and intimidate.

Are you kidding me? Joint Commission is only getting involved because of what they say is a contributor of medical errors or more accurately described as a 'patient safety' issue.


How come it has been as issue for so long? Why is it only now being described as a patient safety issue? Would someone with Authority please saddle up your kahones and throw them out on the table for nurses? Why is it that anything important that needs doing only pinnacle on 'patient safety'? Can't we do something for the purpose of doing something that's just morally right? Like say for example, Employee Satisfaction. Or, more importantly, just morally right.
What's wrong with creating a cohesive environment without having to drag in PATIENT SAFETY?

There is intimidation, ignoring, acting all impatient, condescending attitudes and the works. It's crazy making and it's a real wet blanket on what could otherwise be a 'good day'. That's just how it is. I saw that White Elephant my first week on the floor as a brand new nurse...But nobody addressed it. We all learn to walk around it and pretend it's not there.

So someone, in Authority, PLEASE throw your Kahones in there and change some things. Let's don't spend years of research and studies on the topic searching for the link between bad behavior and patient safety. Let's just do what's right. It's there in front of us. We all see it, we all know it exists. So STOP Allowing it, expecting everyone to cower.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25594124/

I Could Just Scream

Lazy techs. I don't understand lazy mentality. I see employees, techs routinely, engage in this thing, this sort of mentality, this sort of behavior that says, 'I'm going to see how much work I won't do today'.

Today I'm working with the same 3, horrible, train wreck patients I've had all week. They are really heavy. I'm on my feet all day, barely get time to eat, and usually open charts late in the afternoon because of the acuity.

There is a tech on the floor. I'm assuming she is a tech on the floor. Come to find out she is our Unit Sec. WE DON'T NEED A US. WE NEED HELP ON THE FLOOR. Okay, anyway I find this out around 9:30 am when I ask where the temps are. The tech, excuse me...the Unit Sec., tells me she is not doing tech work today because she is the unit secretary.

I'm dumbfounded. I ask her what she is doing as our unit sec. besides looking at the schedule for the past two hours. I mean, I don't see her filling charts, checking for labs, stocking carts or anything. What I have seen her do is eat breakfast, talk with her husband on the phone, fool around on the Internet, and look over the schedule. That's what I've noticed.

I was so pissed. I couldn't even talk with her for the rest of my shift. How can someone sit there and watch all of us nurses work like dogs and not lift a finger? No self respect? No sense of team? No clue what this job is all about? We don't need a unit secretary in the HOU. We need assistance on the floor. If they won't supply both, a unit sec. and a tech, then just give us a tech. Don't insult us by paying someone to sit there and look refreshingly, stress free, making some easy money while the nurses are barely able to keep heads above water. Fuckers.

Job Security

How many patients will they stop at? I love aspects of nursing, I really do. But, getting my ass kicked by a horrible group of patients sends me right up the crazy tree. I have a difficult time sucking it up, shutting up and just doing the job when I am put in a position to be a risky caregiver. Instead, I am pissed off as hell all day long, spouting off about how insane, unsafe, bla, bla, bla it is. Nobody cares. Really. Nobody fucking cares. It's sad and amazing. If only the patients knew what a lick and a promise they are getting from their nurses because of under staffing.

I want to provide excellent care, not satisfactory care. Fingers crossed, hope no one crashes is not my idea of fun. It's scary and unsafe. I want a great job where I don't have to worry what Mr. Jones is doing down the hall, considering I haven't laid eyes on him for an hour or two sometimes, because I have been dealing with Mrs. Jones down the other hall trying to crash on me.

It's got to change. Unfortunately, I don't believe it will be for the better. I only see it getting worse. I'm not the worst nurse, I understand my fluids and electrolyte imbalances. I understand blood pressure issues and heart rate problems. I understand tissue breakdown, infections and all the ramifications. Venous vs Arterial issues. Tele rhythms. There are MANY THINGS I don't understand, but I am smart enough to find out the information when necessary and find resources. I see many nurses who don't have this basic knowledge nor do they care to invest in learning more. They have maintained the drug pusher mentality. I understand why....I really do. I've been there. And, that's what many nurses are and will be. Qualified nurses for ICU, Er, etc. I would venture to guess there's a shortage.

I believe it's a tri-fold reason for this shortage, but whatever I think I will not discuss here, right now, because the problem hasn't been heard, won't be heard, and anyone that can do anything about it doesn't give a shit.

But what's happened is a Job Security for all of us. You can work for great money being a drug pusher on the floor, holding onto your ass all the while or you can go through school of hardknocks or some internship somewhere for shit money with hopes of a brighter future.... rots of ruck....Regardless, we will have a job............ shitty days and all.