More ridiculous stuff:
Many, many old folks are put on Aricept and Lexapro. I totally understand if they are up, talking, know what's going on, etc. But, WHY are we giving it to sooo many people who are out of it?
Morphine for everybody! I hate this drug. Well, I hate it for what it does to a person. They end up addicted and bug the shit out of you until you get them more. It's pathetic. You can literally be standing there pushing the drug and they are asking you through their sleep state what time the next dose is. Give me a fucking break. People in pain don't think. They are worried about right now, this second. I cringe when I have an addict. An addict we made.
I had a patient the other day who whined and cried like a fucking 2 year old over the doctor taking 2 puney ass stitches out!! "It hurts, whahahah." At 6pm I finally wore out. Lasted all day though.....working her with ativan, lortab and tylenol. But, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get some charting done and needed a few minutes of peace and quiet from the patient. That's sad too, that I would actually chemically buy some time. But, I had to.
I go in the room to give it to her and the bitch is asleep!!!! Not kinda asleep, snoring-sleep!
All GD day long this moment took to arrive. Now, I get to find a nurse, AGAIN, to waste the rest of the morphine with. Thanks lady for wasting so much of my fricking time. You were a joy to care for. Ha
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Our Taxes at Work
BFB died a couple of weeks ago. I've written about him in some older post. What happened is this. We admit him from 11/29/07 to 2/2/08 to the tune of $398,000.00 (I saw this with my own eyes) Our Insurance and tax money hard at work folks, keeping dead people alive. And, this is probably not all of it considering we transferred him here and there to burn up more of our money with needless procedures. His wife begs us NOT to wean him off the vent so that the hospital will hold onto him and not discharge to a nursing home. You've worn out your welcome lady a long, long, time ago, plus I'm sure the money has run out.
He was weaned off the vent and arrangements were made to send this guy to some nursing home. A thought the wife can't stand, cuz this guy is 'making progress', and he is going to wake up one day......, right ;-)!
Off to the nursing home he goes. We get a call the next day from the patients daughter informing us the guy died. 'Oh, gosh, no, ya don't say, my, my, so suddenly....' We act all surprised hanging around the nursing station while she is on the phone, though we weren't!
Ya want to say something to her like, 'he's been dead along time idiot, but you insisted we eat away at our future social security and jack up our insurance premiums just to watch a blip on the monitor for a month or two. Thanks a lot dumbass for spending wisely'.
He probably plugged off, lay in a room for a few hours with no one seeing him and finally passed. Kind of interesting....the first chance he got.....he goes! He would have left us entirely like he tried months ago, but oh, no, our system, his family wouldn't allow for that....
Here is another story of an expensive Delusion:
Ms. M was admitted on 1/7/08 to 2/21/08. She admitted some time ago with a parotid gland infection, but she came to us already messed up in so many ways. Infections, wounds, heart issues. The whole nine yards. The daughter (nut job) is taking care of this woman at home.
This second admit she is far worse. CHF and resp. failure mainly. She is vented, but we manage to wean her. Discharge her home again with crazy daughter. She was discharged at 11:20. At 1:05 the daughter is calling us saying she can't get her sats up above 87%. She discharged! Why are you calling us????? Then she calls back and says the peg tube is plugged up and she can't get it unplugged!!!!! Go AWAY. She said she was going to call 911. Great, now patient gets to be dragged through the fucking ringer again, for nothing!!!!! She's DEAD for God's Sake. What is it about this don't you see??? If the daughter would just get out of the lady's ass for 2 minutes, she would finally die, like she has been wanting to do for a very long time.
Oh, ya. Tune of this keeping a dead person alive: $340,252.00
He was weaned off the vent and arrangements were made to send this guy to some nursing home. A thought the wife can't stand, cuz this guy is 'making progress', and he is going to wake up one day......, right ;-)!
Off to the nursing home he goes. We get a call the next day from the patients daughter informing us the guy died. 'Oh, gosh, no, ya don't say, my, my, so suddenly....' We act all surprised hanging around the nursing station while she is on the phone, though we weren't!
Ya want to say something to her like, 'he's been dead along time idiot, but you insisted we eat away at our future social security and jack up our insurance premiums just to watch a blip on the monitor for a month or two. Thanks a lot dumbass for spending wisely'.
He probably plugged off, lay in a room for a few hours with no one seeing him and finally passed. Kind of interesting....the first chance he got.....he goes! He would have left us entirely like he tried months ago, but oh, no, our system, his family wouldn't allow for that....
Here is another story of an expensive Delusion:
Ms. M was admitted on 1/7/08 to 2/21/08. She admitted some time ago with a parotid gland infection, but she came to us already messed up in so many ways. Infections, wounds, heart issues. The whole nine yards. The daughter (nut job) is taking care of this woman at home.
This second admit she is far worse. CHF and resp. failure mainly. She is vented, but we manage to wean her. Discharge her home again with crazy daughter. She was discharged at 11:20. At 1:05 the daughter is calling us saying she can't get her sats up above 87%. She discharged! Why are you calling us????? Then she calls back and says the peg tube is plugged up and she can't get it unplugged!!!!! Go AWAY. She said she was going to call 911. Great, now patient gets to be dragged through the fucking ringer again, for nothing!!!!! She's DEAD for God's Sake. What is it about this don't you see??? If the daughter would just get out of the lady's ass for 2 minutes, she would finally die, like she has been wanting to do for a very long time.
Oh, ya. Tune of this keeping a dead person alive: $340,252.00
Monday, February 18, 2008
Don't Talk to Me
What is it about people, i.e. Family members, telling me about their 29 year medical history, or their this or their that. I don't care. I don't want to hear it. I Don't, Don't, Don't, Don't, Don't!!! Please don't talk to me.
I had a patient who is 'another one'......meaning dead..........well, she isn't yet, but will be soon. She is just one of those you know won't make it. Her history is a medical train-wreck biography. She is basically nonresponsive, except for an occasional grimace or a repetitive,involuntary right arm movement. She has a huge family. Black and white and a mixture. Everyone was really nice, but geez, I could hardly get in the room, there was a constant obstacle course, and a constant flow in, flow out of traffic.
Because she has some incredible infections everyone had to garb up. This family actually listened and garbed up! However, as a result of everyone being garbed up I thought it would be a little rude of me to ask them to leave when I needed to do something, so I didn't.
I'm at the nursing station beginning to make a phone call to a doc regarding a lab result when Gramps shows up in front of me. He's all garbed up, mask and all. He is hanging on the counter talking it up. I can barely make out what he is saying. He's mumbly and his voice was soft already. I struggled to listen and found that an occasional nod, smile, "oh, my" on my part would do. I have no idea what he was yapping to me about.
The only thoughts going through my mind were this:
1) He is contaminating my counter top (smile)
2) What the heck is he saying?
3) Dude, Pull down the mask so I can hear ya (nod in agreement)
4) Please, PLEASE leave, I need to make this phone call
5) He's going to leave in a second, be nice.... ("Oh, my")
6) Damn, when is he going to leave.
7) OMG, I have so much work to do...don't have time for this.... (smile)
8) DUDE, please SHUT THE FUCK UP and leave. (nod)
9) Okay, I need to stop him, how can I stop him...think,,,,think!!
10) "Sir, Excuse me, I really need to make a phone call to a doctor."
With that he mumbled a something or rather and went back into the patients room.
If he only knew what I was thinking.
Next in line is the guy who is the voice of the family. He is very nice, asked appropriate questions, is somewhat delusional about his mother's condition, but all in all a sound person. BUT,
30 FUCKING minutes later I'm crosseyed and ready to explode. I heard the laundry list of how diabetes ruined his life, how God saved him, how he was blind for 6 months, but a miracle occured, how the eye doctor had to have people restrain him to get tested for contacts, they couldn't tackle him, he doesn't wear contacts, contacts don't work for his eyes, how 3 of his friends all went blind at the same time, how he got his sight back, the friends never recovered theirs...............
Please, please, please, please, please, please, DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME.
This is part of the reason I may have a distended bladder when I'm 80, the reason I get around to lunch at 3 in the afternoon, the reason I get home at fricking 9pm. Ask me questions about your loved one, APPROPRIATE QUESTIONS, and then shut the fuck up.
I had a patient who is 'another one'......meaning dead..........well, she isn't yet, but will be soon. She is just one of those you know won't make it. Her history is a medical train-wreck biography. She is basically nonresponsive, except for an occasional grimace or a repetitive,involuntary right arm movement. She has a huge family. Black and white and a mixture. Everyone was really nice, but geez, I could hardly get in the room, there was a constant obstacle course, and a constant flow in, flow out of traffic.
Because she has some incredible infections everyone had to garb up. This family actually listened and garbed up! However, as a result of everyone being garbed up I thought it would be a little rude of me to ask them to leave when I needed to do something, so I didn't.
I'm at the nursing station beginning to make a phone call to a doc regarding a lab result when Gramps shows up in front of me. He's all garbed up, mask and all. He is hanging on the counter talking it up. I can barely make out what he is saying. He's mumbly and his voice was soft already. I struggled to listen and found that an occasional nod, smile, "oh, my" on my part would do. I have no idea what he was yapping to me about.
The only thoughts going through my mind were this:
1) He is contaminating my counter top (smile)
2) What the heck is he saying?
3) Dude, Pull down the mask so I can hear ya (nod in agreement)
4) Please, PLEASE leave, I need to make this phone call
5) He's going to leave in a second, be nice.... ("Oh, my")
6) Damn, when is he going to leave.
7) OMG, I have so much work to do...don't have time for this.... (smile)
8) DUDE, please SHUT THE FUCK UP and leave. (nod)
9) Okay, I need to stop him, how can I stop him...think,,,,think!!
10) "Sir, Excuse me, I really need to make a phone call to a doctor."
With that he mumbled a something or rather and went back into the patients room.
If he only knew what I was thinking.
Next in line is the guy who is the voice of the family. He is very nice, asked appropriate questions, is somewhat delusional about his mother's condition, but all in all a sound person. BUT,
30 FUCKING minutes later I'm crosseyed and ready to explode. I heard the laundry list of how diabetes ruined his life, how God saved him, how he was blind for 6 months, but a miracle occured, how the eye doctor had to have people restrain him to get tested for contacts, they couldn't tackle him, he doesn't wear contacts, contacts don't work for his eyes, how 3 of his friends all went blind at the same time, how he got his sight back, the friends never recovered theirs...............
Please, please, please, please, please, please, DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME.
This is part of the reason I may have a distended bladder when I'm 80, the reason I get around to lunch at 3 in the afternoon, the reason I get home at fricking 9pm. Ask me questions about your loved one, APPROPRIATE QUESTIONS, and then shut the fuck up.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Angrier Nurse it is
Okay, Angrier Nurse it is. This bothered me all night. I need a name in blogland that describes why I even do this. I don't want to steal someone elses name,i.e, Angry Nurse. So, I will modify it a little to suit me. Angier Nurse works just fine.
I write in here to just vent. It's not because I love nursing, it's not because I love to write. I'm angry at the whimpy ass profession as a whole. I'm angry that I share space with some nurses who obviously took a different exam than myself......I'm angry that fellow nurses take it up the ass, with no K-y, every fricking day. That was horrible to say, but it's true! I'm sick of this BS. That's why I'm keeping this blog. To VENT. Believe me, most nurses I work with are so milk-toast that extreme thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, feelings, actions scare the heck out of them....'No, rocking the boat please'.
I like taking care of patients. I enjoy most of my coworkers. BUT, the way floors are run can suck the fricking life and care right out of a person. Is it too much to ask to have a job I look forward to going to? Is it too much to ask to have a job where I can go pee atleast once a day? Is it to much to fricking ask to have a decent patient load so that I'm not feeling overwhelmed and feel like jumping off the nearest fucking bridge at the end of the day? Oh, and can I eat my fucking lunch without getting interrupted....JUST ONCE. AND, BY ALL MEANS REMOVE THE GD FECAL INCONTINENCE DEVICE POSTER FROM MY FACE SO I CAN EAT WITHOUT HAVING TO SEE OR THINK ABOUT PEOPLE SHITTING. HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT. PUT THAT SHIT IN THE LOCKER ROOM OR BATHROOM FOR CHIRST SAKE YA F-ING MORON.
Damn, that felt good! LOLOLOLOLOL. I needed that. Your $85 bucks is in the mail blogger.com.
Just because I'm a nurse somehow implies this ambiguous right to be abused by the general public. Like I am somehow immune to your effing coughed up germs, or a fecal incontinece device poster during a meal.
I had a date once with a really nice, educated guy. During dinner he proceeds to tell me his experience with the pilonidal cyst he had years earlier. Because I was a nurse, I guess he thought I would find it incredibly interesting. No, I didn't. In fact, I found it disgusting and that ruined it for me. I couldn't get over the cyst thing to even think about anything more. All that went through my mind from there on out was an anus with a pus filled cyst on it....his. How can you overcome that? First impressions stick. I know that sounds bad, but for Gods Sake Don't tell nurses that shit on a first date. Tell us anything you want once we're hooked....but Don't assume we want to know all your gross shit over our first dinner together. No, we don't.
It would be like me telling a date about a bacterial vaginosis, over our ceasar salads, "I've battled for years", just because he's a doctor. Yeah, don't think he'd be calling me again. And, No, I don't, for those of you questioning. It's an example. It's gross. Nobody wants to hear that kind of stuff on a first date.
I honestly believe people don't think too deeply, and that's the problem. I don't think they intentionally mean to be insensitive. It's their lack of thought that makes it so. I think they see nurses caring about everything in the entire fucking world...., We don't.
Okay, on to something really cool. Ear boogers. A nurse friend had a party the other night with all nurses, of course. We managed to spend our time cleaning out ears with Ear Candles. REALLY cool. I don't understand the physics of it and I'm not sure if it was actually ear wax being coaxed out or what, but regardless, it was too cool. Have a great day.
I write in here to just vent. It's not because I love nursing, it's not because I love to write. I'm angry at the whimpy ass profession as a whole. I'm angry that I share space with some nurses who obviously took a different exam than myself......I'm angry that fellow nurses take it up the ass, with no K-y, every fricking day. That was horrible to say, but it's true! I'm sick of this BS. That's why I'm keeping this blog. To VENT. Believe me, most nurses I work with are so milk-toast that extreme thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, feelings, actions scare the heck out of them....'No, rocking the boat please'.
I like taking care of patients. I enjoy most of my coworkers. BUT, the way floors are run can suck the fricking life and care right out of a person. Is it too much to ask to have a job I look forward to going to? Is it too much to ask to have a job where I can go pee atleast once a day? Is it to much to fricking ask to have a decent patient load so that I'm not feeling overwhelmed and feel like jumping off the nearest fucking bridge at the end of the day? Oh, and can I eat my fucking lunch without getting interrupted....JUST ONCE. AND, BY ALL MEANS REMOVE THE GD FECAL INCONTINENCE DEVICE POSTER FROM MY FACE SO I CAN EAT WITHOUT HAVING TO SEE OR THINK ABOUT PEOPLE SHITTING. HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT. PUT THAT SHIT IN THE LOCKER ROOM OR BATHROOM FOR CHIRST SAKE YA F-ING MORON.
Damn, that felt good! LOLOLOLOLOL. I needed that. Your $85 bucks is in the mail blogger.com.
Just because I'm a nurse somehow implies this ambiguous right to be abused by the general public. Like I am somehow immune to your effing coughed up germs, or a fecal incontinece device poster during a meal.
I had a date once with a really nice, educated guy. During dinner he proceeds to tell me his experience with the pilonidal cyst he had years earlier. Because I was a nurse, I guess he thought I would find it incredibly interesting. No, I didn't. In fact, I found it disgusting and that ruined it for me. I couldn't get over the cyst thing to even think about anything more. All that went through my mind from there on out was an anus with a pus filled cyst on it....his. How can you overcome that? First impressions stick. I know that sounds bad, but for Gods Sake Don't tell nurses that shit on a first date. Tell us anything you want once we're hooked....but Don't assume we want to know all your gross shit over our first dinner together. No, we don't.
It would be like me telling a date about a bacterial vaginosis, over our ceasar salads, "I've battled for years", just because he's a doctor. Yeah, don't think he'd be calling me again. And, No, I don't, for those of you questioning. It's an example. It's gross. Nobody wants to hear that kind of stuff on a first date.
I honestly believe people don't think too deeply, and that's the problem. I don't think they intentionally mean to be insensitive. It's their lack of thought that makes it so. I think they see nurses caring about everything in the entire fucking world...., We don't.
Okay, on to something really cool. Ear boogers. A nurse friend had a party the other night with all nurses, of course. We managed to spend our time cleaning out ears with Ear Candles. REALLY cool. I don't understand the physics of it and I'm not sure if it was actually ear wax being coaxed out or what, but regardless, it was too cool. Have a great day.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Things I've Learned
In reading the other nursing blogs out there, I ran across someone who calls their Blog 'Angry Nurse'. So, I changed my author name to Nursey Nurse (how original is that..) just to keep anyone from getting miffed. One of these days I will come up with something more appropriate. However, nothing quite sums it up for me like Angry Nurse....maybe Apathetic Nurse, but that's not all encompassing, so another name is in order....one of these days.
I've learned:
Cops dumping quads out of wheelchairs in Florida is okay. A nurse would lose their license doing this, after abruptly being fired. These guys apparently just suspend ya without pay. Nice.
More things I've learned, but in nursing:
Diabetics always ask the nurse if it would be okay to eat the ------------(fill in the blank. You know what I'm talking bout). Hey, Missy, Since you are a 49 year old woman whose had diabetes since 1970, PLEASE DON'T ASK ME IF YOU CAN EAT THE DONUT. I'm not your mom. arghrrr!
Coughing in the nurses face is totally expected. I realize when you're in the hospital that a full-fledged, self-absorption, entitlement mentality has taken over, so, basic decency and respect isn't required of you. You are special. Your germs are special-er.
Visitors stay way past their welcome. Helllloooo people....These guys are sick. Would you like someone standing over you asking all sorts of fucked up questions while you're sick in your bed at home? Well, the hospital is a step up from the house folks. Give your guilt a break and get the fuck out. Say 'hi' and leave. That's all that's necessary. Unless, of course, you plan on putting on a pair of gloves and helping out on occasion. Yeah, I didn't think so. Like I said, "Get the fuck out."
Visitors ask the best trick questions. "Do ya think he's getting better?" What, as in from this morning till now? Cuz, I wasn't here yesterday. However, you being here has worn him out, so now, he will sleep all day furthering my inability to 'tell' if he's getting better.
Stat, means 45 minutes.
Phenergan works great for non-specific pain.
People taking 14 pills, a shot of morphine, a shot of ativan, and a shot of phenergan still live.
When I bring a cup full with 17 pills, accompanied with your insulin injection, your lovenox injection, your Metamucil, your Ensure, your inhalers, your Miracle Mouthwash and Nystatin swish and swallow.....Just shut the fuck up....don't want to hear it....It's not my fault....I'm not the one who whined and belly ached about every itch and vague this or that....I'm not the one who ordered it.
Before the nurse can do anything with the patient you clean up shit.
People don't use toilet paper anymore!? They have to have the wet wipes or they 'just don't feel clean' . Am I the only goober out there still buying toilet paper?
People in the hospital shit a lot. Especially when the nurse needs to do something, like labs or whatever.
Some people in this world actually believe holding onto shit for 5 -7days is 'normal'. These are an exception to the rule of shitters, but a cool phenominanistic thing you get to witness.
Everyone is dehydrated and taking in very little fluid, yet their water pitchers are always empty. Whose drinking that water?
It's the nurses fault if the patient falls. Doesn't matter that this patient is high risk, demented, non-restrained (cuz that will hurt their dignity), agitated, and restless.
Obese people don't wipe their own butts. Wait a sec, Most people don't wipe their own butts. Even if they can....they can't....Why? Because they're in the hospital! Dah.
S/p Gastric Bypass patients steal food.
Nurses are supposed to know everything.
Nurses know nothing.
Patients will tell the nurse one thing and the doctor something entirely different.
Charting occurs at the end of the day when your brain is fried and all patient issues are mushed together.
Once you loan out your scissors or highlighter, you won't see it again, ever. So instead of lying when someone asks, say something like, 'I don't have a highlighter for you to borrow'.
Nurses that spend most of their day in the nurses station and/or on their cell phones seem to leave on time.
Sheets can be used for snot.
The floor for a garbage can.
Demented patients love to take off all their clothes....over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over ..........................................................................................
The fatter a man gets the harder it is to find his willy.
Testicles can swell to the size of a basketball.
Everyone gets respiratory failure, a fungal rash, a decub, a uti, and they crap the bed.
Sick people don't talk.
Whiney, bitchy, mean people wait longer.
Fat women are difficult to cath. Much more difficult is removing the stench and image from your mind long after it's over.
People who haven't taken care of themselves, Ever, expect you to fix them, Now.
Family members always come to the nurses station and say, "My mother needs to go to the bathroom." Thanks....let us use our esp. and we'll get right on that. How 'bout I use my Braille down the hallway to figure out who the f&^% you're talking about.
Pureed food shaped into a pea-looking pile, or browned on the edges to look like toast, doesn't Taste Good. Somehow this is my fault which gives you the green light to piss and moan for 5 minutes, making my ass listen, wasting my time. Don't act all put out that your no-swallowing ass has to eat it. It's not my fault.
When asking the questions such as, 'Are you constipated? Do you have urinary accidents at home? What meds do you take?', etc. There is one stock answer for every patient. "I don't know."
People do play in their poo.
I've learned:
Cops dumping quads out of wheelchairs in Florida is okay. A nurse would lose their license doing this, after abruptly being fired. These guys apparently just suspend ya without pay. Nice.
More things I've learned, but in nursing:
Diabetics always ask the nurse if it would be okay to eat the ------------(fill in the blank. You know what I'm talking bout). Hey, Missy, Since you are a 49 year old woman whose had diabetes since 1970, PLEASE DON'T ASK ME IF YOU CAN EAT THE DONUT. I'm not your mom. arghrrr!
Coughing in the nurses face is totally expected. I realize when you're in the hospital that a full-fledged, self-absorption, entitlement mentality has taken over, so, basic decency and respect isn't required of you. You are special. Your germs are special-er.
Visitors stay way past their welcome. Helllloooo people....These guys are sick. Would you like someone standing over you asking all sorts of fucked up questions while you're sick in your bed at home? Well, the hospital is a step up from the house folks. Give your guilt a break and get the fuck out. Say 'hi' and leave. That's all that's necessary. Unless, of course, you plan on putting on a pair of gloves and helping out on occasion. Yeah, I didn't think so. Like I said, "Get the fuck out."
Visitors ask the best trick questions. "Do ya think he's getting better?" What, as in from this morning till now? Cuz, I wasn't here yesterday. However, you being here has worn him out, so now, he will sleep all day furthering my inability to 'tell' if he's getting better.
There are never visitors around when you have a crazy one on your hands that could use a sitter. That's just the way it is.
Visitors steal shit from the nutritional room. I mean fill up their fricking pockets w/26 peanut butters and crackers to feed their kids, grandma and the dog. And, then act all stupid when you point out the sign that says, Nutritional Supplements are for Patients Only. Oops, yeah, you can't read Inglesia. That makes it all better, you're off the hook for not being able to read English. Now you're just a pure, F-ing thief.
The patients that can't swallow worth a damn are always, always, always, the ones who have the most meds ordered.
Everyone gets a MVI, a calcium, a stool softner, a blood thinner. That's just the way it is.
I'll be right back, means 45 minutes.Stat, means 45 minutes.
Phenergan works great for non-specific pain.
People taking 14 pills, a shot of morphine, a shot of ativan, and a shot of phenergan still live.
When I bring a cup full with 17 pills, accompanied with your insulin injection, your lovenox injection, your Metamucil, your Ensure, your inhalers, your Miracle Mouthwash and Nystatin swish and swallow.....Just shut the fuck up....don't want to hear it....It's not my fault....I'm not the one who whined and belly ached about every itch and vague this or that....I'm not the one who ordered it.
Before the nurse can do anything with the patient you clean up shit.
People don't use toilet paper anymore!? They have to have the wet wipes or they 'just don't feel clean' . Am I the only goober out there still buying toilet paper?
People in the hospital shit a lot. Especially when the nurse needs to do something, like labs or whatever.
Some people in this world actually believe holding onto shit for 5 -7days is 'normal'. These are an exception to the rule of shitters, but a cool phenominanistic thing you get to witness.
Everyone is dehydrated and taking in very little fluid, yet their water pitchers are always empty. Whose drinking that water?
It's the nurses fault if the patient falls. Doesn't matter that this patient is high risk, demented, non-restrained (cuz that will hurt their dignity), agitated, and restless.
Obese people don't wipe their own butts. Wait a sec, Most people don't wipe their own butts. Even if they can....they can't....Why? Because they're in the hospital! Dah.
S/p Gastric Bypass patients steal food.
Nurses are supposed to know everything.
Nurses know nothing.
Patients will tell the nurse one thing and the doctor something entirely different.
Charting occurs at the end of the day when your brain is fried and all patient issues are mushed together.
Once you loan out your scissors or highlighter, you won't see it again, ever. So instead of lying when someone asks, say something like, 'I don't have a highlighter for you to borrow'.
Nurses that spend most of their day in the nurses station and/or on their cell phones seem to leave on time.
Sheets can be used for snot.
The floor for a garbage can.
Demented patients love to take off all their clothes....over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over ..........................................................................................
The fatter a man gets the harder it is to find his willy.
Testicles can swell to the size of a basketball.
Everyone gets respiratory failure, a fungal rash, a decub, a uti, and they crap the bed.
Sick people don't talk.
Whiney, bitchy, mean people wait longer.
Fat women are difficult to cath. Much more difficult is removing the stench and image from your mind long after it's over.
People who haven't taken care of themselves, Ever, expect you to fix them, Now.
Family members always come to the nurses station and say, "My mother needs to go to the bathroom." Thanks....let us use our esp. and we'll get right on that. How 'bout I use my Braille down the hallway to figure out who the f&^% you're talking about.
Pureed food shaped into a pea-looking pile, or browned on the edges to look like toast, doesn't Taste Good. Somehow this is my fault which gives you the green light to piss and moan for 5 minutes, making my ass listen, wasting my time. Don't act all put out that your no-swallowing ass has to eat it. It's not my fault.
When asking the questions such as, 'Are you constipated? Do you have urinary accidents at home? What meds do you take?', etc. There is one stock answer for every patient. "I don't know."
People do play in their poo.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Things that make me go 'Ugh'
"Nurse, I need something for my indigestion." I say, "Ok, no problem. Is there anything you take at home that seems to work good for you?" Patient, "I don't know! You're the nurse!"
Make mental note to get her something....later...much, much later.
"Good Morning Ms. So and So, My name is K and I'll be your nurse today...how did..."
"Is someone going to help me get cleaned up?, I've called three times and nobody has come to help me, hand me that kleenex box, hey would ya move that garbage can closer to the bed."
Or,
I walk into room, patient is on their cell phone yapping away.....So I hang around for a second waiting, waiting, waiting,......'Did he let the dog out...Oh, and bring the black bag by the kitchen bar stool, not the blue one, the black one, it has a cute little design on the front that looks like.....' In walks Doctor X..... Patient, "I have to go, the doctor is here." click.
Or,
"My sinuses have been draining for days. Can you bring me something. I think I need something to help dry them up, it's been driving me crazy." I ask, "Did you say something to the doctor that was just in here to order something for you?" "Well, no, I forgot to say something....but, he wasn't here for very long."
Oh, so now it's my emergency? I think not. The doctor is GONE. Do you really think I'm going to page him for some mundane shit like that when you had the perfect opportunity to ask him....? Oh, and by the way, if we had time to converse PRIOR to him coming in maybe I could have requested that little bit of sinus med from him, but oh, no, you were too GD busy yapping on your phone...making me wait on your ass. Mental note to myself.....get her something later.....much, much later, in fact, night shift-like, later.
Or,
How about all those people who take in a mouthful of pills, a sip of water and toss their head back. Who taught people this? What's up with the head toss? Whence comes this tradition?
Do they not know this isn't a gullet opening maneuver?....obviously not. Oh, God just forget it.
What about those people that demand a sip of water First and then take the pill. Is this along the same line as being left handed?
Or,
"I take one for my blood pressure...twice a day...once in the morning, once at night, I don't know what the name of it is....it's white, a little round one....I think its 250mg, maybe 25mg, I'm not sure." Thanks a hellavalot bubs. I think I can figure it out quickly being the little, white, round one and all....geez.
Or,
Repeat the above about 14 times when getting the medication reconcilliation list started.
Make mental note to get her something....later...much, much later.
"Good Morning Ms. So and So, My name is K and I'll be your nurse today...how did..."
"Is someone going to help me get cleaned up?, I've called three times and nobody has come to help me, hand me that kleenex box, hey would ya move that garbage can closer to the bed."
Or,
I walk into room, patient is on their cell phone yapping away.....So I hang around for a second waiting, waiting, waiting,......'Did he let the dog out...Oh, and bring the black bag by the kitchen bar stool, not the blue one, the black one, it has a cute little design on the front that looks like.....' In walks Doctor X..... Patient, "I have to go, the doctor is here." click.
Or,
"My sinuses have been draining for days. Can you bring me something. I think I need something to help dry them up, it's been driving me crazy." I ask, "Did you say something to the doctor that was just in here to order something for you?" "Well, no, I forgot to say something....but, he wasn't here for very long."
Oh, so now it's my emergency? I think not. The doctor is GONE. Do you really think I'm going to page him for some mundane shit like that when you had the perfect opportunity to ask him....? Oh, and by the way, if we had time to converse PRIOR to him coming in maybe I could have requested that little bit of sinus med from him, but oh, no, you were too GD busy yapping on your phone...making me wait on your ass. Mental note to myself.....get her something later.....much, much later, in fact, night shift-like, later.
Or,
How about all those people who take in a mouthful of pills, a sip of water and toss their head back. Who taught people this? What's up with the head toss? Whence comes this tradition?
Do they not know this isn't a gullet opening maneuver?....obviously not. Oh, God just forget it.
What about those people that demand a sip of water First and then take the pill. Is this along the same line as being left handed?
Or,
"I take one for my blood pressure...twice a day...once in the morning, once at night, I don't know what the name of it is....it's white, a little round one....I think its 250mg, maybe 25mg, I'm not sure." Thanks a hellavalot bubs. I think I can figure it out quickly being the little, white, round one and all....geez.
Or,
Repeat the above about 14 times when getting the medication reconcilliation list started.
Monday, February 11, 2008
What to do?
I'm gonna have to remember to put curtains on the niches above the windows in my bedroom. Usually, I leave in the morning when it's dark and get home when it's dark. This a.m. I about had a seizure when my eyes first opened, getting blasted by the sunlight. Of course the margarita I downed (ok, 3) during a post-work, bitch-fest didn't help.....well, help?....that's relative.
The frustration I felt yesterday during work is still with me today. I had a demented patient who could only say, "What to do?" I'm feeling it today....'What to do'. I'd like to get my taxes done, my car inspected, buy a house warming gift for a friend, get a massage, run the dishwasher so I can have a clean coffee cup, go get my brows waxed, mess around in the yard, plan my vacation.... Unfortunately, for me, I may be cleaning up my resume and looking for a new job.
The job itself is great. The money is great. The people are great....most of them. It's the 'other' stuff that wears me out, ie. doing the techs job all day, hunting down a spoon, hunting down a pillow case, redoing a colostomy because we don't carry the particular size bag for a patient, so the whole damn thing needs to be changed. It's an easy fix. CARRY different snap on/off bag sizes!!! Oh, yeah, calling the kitchen for diet sprite all fkdjdg day long cuz the patient only drinks the nasty, protein powder, juven, etc. in this.....Well, if the patient has been here for a MONTH isn't it a well known fact and shouldn't we have diet sprite loaded up at all times....!!!! Why is it I have to make the call for three days in a row to get the nutritional supplements reloaded?
I need this stuff the FIRST time I go to get it. I shouldn't have to take time out to call somebody to remind them they are slackers and they need to do THEIR job. I shouldn't have to remember to backtrack for all the stuff that isn't there in the first place, whether it's a plastic spoon, a medication, or diet fricking sprite!!!
And, I'm so tired of getting my 2pm vital signs at 5pm with bp meds hinging on this. I'm tired of getting my dinner finger sticks taken AFTER the patient has eaten! And, I'm tired of walking into a room and cleaning up a pile of dung before I can pull the picc, restart an IV, hang NS, start the Vanc, hook the patient up to Int. suction....all because the techs suck.
I keep telling the director that certain techs SUCK but she doesn't listen. If there is a human manifestation/embodiment of a walking 'finger' gesture, this one particular tech is it. The other worthless tech is caring, but good only if she is taking care of ONE patient. She doesn't get 'hussle' or 'reprioritize' as you go along...You can't teach this to stupid people. If these people can't do the job they need to get them the heck out.
The frustration I felt yesterday during work is still with me today. I had a demented patient who could only say, "What to do?" I'm feeling it today....'What to do'. I'd like to get my taxes done, my car inspected, buy a house warming gift for a friend, get a massage, run the dishwasher so I can have a clean coffee cup, go get my brows waxed, mess around in the yard, plan my vacation.... Unfortunately, for me, I may be cleaning up my resume and looking for a new job.
The job itself is great. The money is great. The people are great....most of them. It's the 'other' stuff that wears me out, ie. doing the techs job all day, hunting down a spoon, hunting down a pillow case, redoing a colostomy because we don't carry the particular size bag for a patient, so the whole damn thing needs to be changed. It's an easy fix. CARRY different snap on/off bag sizes!!! Oh, yeah, calling the kitchen for diet sprite all fkdjdg day long cuz the patient only drinks the nasty, protein powder, juven, etc. in this.....Well, if the patient has been here for a MONTH isn't it a well known fact and shouldn't we have diet sprite loaded up at all times....!!!! Why is it I have to make the call for three days in a row to get the nutritional supplements reloaded?
I need this stuff the FIRST time I go to get it. I shouldn't have to take time out to call somebody to remind them they are slackers and they need to do THEIR job. I shouldn't have to remember to backtrack for all the stuff that isn't there in the first place, whether it's a plastic spoon, a medication, or diet fricking sprite!!!
And, I'm so tired of getting my 2pm vital signs at 5pm with bp meds hinging on this. I'm tired of getting my dinner finger sticks taken AFTER the patient has eaten! And, I'm tired of walking into a room and cleaning up a pile of dung before I can pull the picc, restart an IV, hang NS, start the Vanc, hook the patient up to Int. suction....all because the techs suck.
I keep telling the director that certain techs SUCK but she doesn't listen. If there is a human manifestation/embodiment of a walking 'finger' gesture, this one particular tech is it. The other worthless tech is caring, but good only if she is taking care of ONE patient. She doesn't get 'hussle' or 'reprioritize' as you go along...You can't teach this to stupid people. If these people can't do the job they need to get them the heck out.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
I'm Dead
Me: Good morning Ms. G, how are you doing today?
Her: With eyes closed tight, "I'm dead."
Me: "You can't be dead, you're talking."
Her: "Well I feel like it....I'm just ready to go on and be done with it."
Me: "Oh, I understand...we all feel like that sometimes...."
"Hey, would you do me a huge favor? Could you make sure you do it on the next shift?"
Her: Pause......"That wasn't very nice."
Me: "Nah, it wasn't, was it...:-)"
Her: With eyes closed tight, "I'm dead."
Me: "You can't be dead, you're talking."
Her: "Well I feel like it....I'm just ready to go on and be done with it."
Me: "Oh, I understand...we all feel like that sometimes...."
"Hey, would you do me a huge favor? Could you make sure you do it on the next shift?"
Her: Pause......"That wasn't very nice."
Me: "Nah, it wasn't, was it...:-)"
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Where's our apology?
There is a new nurse on the floor. I'll call her Ms. R.
When I started this job she was one of our unit secretaries. She would drag herself in, plop in a chair and not move all day. If you asked her for something she would be oh-so willing to point in the direction for you to find it, look it up, etc. Isn't a unit sec. there to assist us? Somehow she managed to lessen her load by diverging everything back on the nurse.
One day I asked her to pull up a lab on the computer. She said, "I'll show you how you can pull it up on the computer. Since you nurses make the big bucks you should be able to do this."
Over the years I've heard varieties of that statement from techs and unit secretaries, in similar terminology, countless times.
Well, little Ms. R is now a nurse :-) Hahahaha....love it. LVN of course, but a nurse, nonetheless.
We aren't a teaching hospital, but because she has been with the company they decided to keep her as a new grad and allow her to go through the school of hard knocks under their wing.
And, school of hard knocks is what she is getting. Not that I love the misery of another, but in this case it is rather delightful to sit back and watch her demeanor and attitude change now that she is 100% responsible for the patient.
Now I listen to her rant about how much work the nurse is expected to do, (really?). And, how many things get dumped on the nurse, (really?). And, how it's just too much, (really?). And, how this job can turn someone into an alcoholic, (really?). And, 'Geez, I can't believe how much walking you have to do....' (really?).
I can't wait to hear her rant about how lame the ancillary staff is..........
I am getting my apology in a round about way and I must say it is a good feeling.
When I started this job she was one of our unit secretaries. She would drag herself in, plop in a chair and not move all day. If you asked her for something she would be oh-so willing to point in the direction for you to find it, look it up, etc. Isn't a unit sec. there to assist us? Somehow she managed to lessen her load by diverging everything back on the nurse.
One day I asked her to pull up a lab on the computer. She said, "I'll show you how you can pull it up on the computer. Since you nurses make the big bucks you should be able to do this."
Over the years I've heard varieties of that statement from techs and unit secretaries, in similar terminology, countless times.
Well, little Ms. R is now a nurse :-) Hahahaha....love it. LVN of course, but a nurse, nonetheless.
We aren't a teaching hospital, but because she has been with the company they decided to keep her as a new grad and allow her to go through the school of hard knocks under their wing.
And, school of hard knocks is what she is getting. Not that I love the misery of another, but in this case it is rather delightful to sit back and watch her demeanor and attitude change now that she is 100% responsible for the patient.
Now I listen to her rant about how much work the nurse is expected to do, (really?). And, how many things get dumped on the nurse, (really?). And, how it's just too much, (really?). And, how this job can turn someone into an alcoholic, (really?). And, 'Geez, I can't believe how much walking you have to do....' (really?).
I can't wait to hear her rant about how lame the ancillary staff is..........
I am getting my apology in a round about way and I must say it is a good feeling.
Monday, February 4, 2008
It's all about the money?
Is it really all about the money? I suppose it is in most every way. That's why I work, right? I don't get incredible joy wiping behinds and hanging potassium. Most of the doctors I work with seem angry and unhappy.
The employees that seem the happiest are the physical therapist, the occupational therapist and the speech therapist. Why? I can tell ya why, they have an easy fricking job, that's why. They are not 100% responsible for the patient, the unit, the operations of the place. They exit the room as quickly as the patient farts and they run out with a smile on their face if the patient just hints they are too tired to do therapy. They hunt me down to find them the document they need or to even fax something. Most of which have been working at this particular place years before I came along. The phone can ring with all sorts of therapist sitting around and NOT one of them will answer it. Somehow, it's automatically assumed my responsibility. I must look like I run the 'office', the 'kitchen', the whole damn place...
Respiratory has a pretty slack job. One guy cat naps sitting in the chair after he reads the morning paper, the other surfs the net and bores the hell out of others with ridiculous stories. One runs out to her car for a smoke break every hour.
So, money? Yep. Looks like it.
The employees that seem the happiest are the physical therapist, the occupational therapist and the speech therapist. Why? I can tell ya why, they have an easy fricking job, that's why. They are not 100% responsible for the patient, the unit, the operations of the place. They exit the room as quickly as the patient farts and they run out with a smile on their face if the patient just hints they are too tired to do therapy. They hunt me down to find them the document they need or to even fax something. Most of which have been working at this particular place years before I came along. The phone can ring with all sorts of therapist sitting around and NOT one of them will answer it. Somehow, it's automatically assumed my responsibility. I must look like I run the 'office', the 'kitchen', the whole damn place...
Respiratory has a pretty slack job. One guy cat naps sitting in the chair after he reads the morning paper, the other surfs the net and bores the hell out of others with ridiculous stories. One runs out to her car for a smoke break every hour.
So, money? Yep. Looks like it.
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