I power walked with a friend tonight. Both she and her husband went. We are committed to power walking at least 2x/week and so far we have been doing really good.
I love her and her husband, I really do. They are awesome people and fun to be around.
However, when walking they seem to really bicker a lot. Now that I am into my new feng shui thing the whole idea of anyone bitching about anything is starting to get to me. I am seeing, or experiencing rather, what it does to me. IT DRAINS MY ENERGY.
I am the worlds best bitcher and class-A complainer, thanks to the nursing profession. I have lived in it, rolled around in it, ate it and smelled like it for years, thanks to nursing. But things are changing. REally changing. I've changed only a few things in my life and I'm here to tell you...the insanity of nursing on the floor, the negativity, people bitching at work or elsewhere, well, I just can't be around it anymore.
Negativity, It's toxic. It sucks you into this abyss of depression, hopelessness, hatefulness toward your fellow co-workers and people in general. There is a distrust of people and almost a paranoid thought of "How are you going to try and fuck me up" going on. Seeing end of life 'health' issues and people suffering from it, feeling that undercurrent that you just don't really matter or that general discount by administration, doctors, family members on a daily basis. One does become immune, hardened, maybe even bitter in order to withstand/survive working in it. Roll that around in negativity, sprinkle on a few too many incontinent episodes (and there is only you to clean it up) and you got yourself some pretty gnarly people and an abysmal environment. It's just not good for any one's psyche.
I'm wondering if this may be the end of blogging. I have bitched, pissed and moaned for several months now. I think this blog has been the catalyst that got me to this 'No tolerance for bitching Zone' and my decision to leave nursing entirely. Blogging raised my awareness of just what type of thing I'm dealing with here and what effect it's had on me. How can I continue to blog about nursing now? I blogged to bitch! And, I'm just not willing to live in that bullshit anymore for any one, or any job.
Monday, July 14, 2008
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2 comments:
Focus, grasshopper, focus.
Find what you want to blog about and let it come out.
No need to stop if you don't want to...just take a vacation from blogging and see what inspires you.
Sounds like you've already started, anyway. Good luck on your journey.
You weren't blogging to bitch. You were blogging to understand. Sometimes, through bitching, we understand.
Don't worry, you've got the eye of the tiger, bitching as a means to: understanding, absolute self sufficiency, your own spots of weakness. I'm exactly where you are- how to be happy while bathing in toxicity.
Zen motherfuckers are the best.
We are on the cusp, don't quit, ride this bitch out.
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